so immature, so lazy of me

i play dead

it stops the hurting

i play dead

and hurting stops

it's sometimes just like sleeping

How could I be so immature

to think he would replace

the missing elements in me?

how extremely lazy of me

björk

hearts against spades

each day
since the time started it's countdown
i played
played
on this enormous old gramophon
screechy tone
listening to every grate
to every crack or sound
relishing what i have found
extending the seconds for hours and days
smoking the longest pipe with the rabbit
walking through mirrors
with my own reflection
with re-i-ed myself
so selfish i thought i would be
playing the cards
hearts against spades
playing against you
so you would never win
so you would never leave
revange like the strongest fancy drink
in smoky glass served
with sparkling ice flakes
the old gramophone
was moaning french-like
i never have lost
yet i've never won this game
hearts against spades
among smoke and scretchy tones
against ourselves

apple-green ice cream

you know this apple -green ice cream
can melt in your hands
i can't i can't
i got the ride to the sky
to the moon to the sun
i'm leaving you now
among those many many doubts
you could melt maybe in the unripe shadow
i won't i won't
i got the ride to the farthest star
to the farthest cloud
i'm leaving with first moon's glow
you know this cherry- red candies
could melt in your warm breath
i could have but i will ever
i'm leaving unpacked
not prepeared but never alone
i got a ride to find no doubts anymore

over-lied

and i am still waiting
among colorfull lies
i've hung to dry out
like my poems
like fotos turn to the memories
and dragondays
i've hung them all
to dry them out
squeeze them out
in sun slowly nihilic dance
rewinde the time
would you forgive her
could you..should
in apple-trees' shadow
the grass is growing so loud
so stay a while
not moving
saying not a word
in apple shadow oversined
overcharged overlied

almost improper..

almost obscene you said
almost, honey- she laughed
she danced like you never...
would like her to
almost obscene
her language
ciggarettes, cosmopolitans
with cherry on top
on her every word
the lack of harmoniously doubtlessness
like mistery of riddle
befor being solved
her short short skirts
and high heels
almost obscene you said
while losing a grip
in the drunken clouds of music
with ice cubes chilled
sophisticated named drinks
almost obscene
those legs and those hair
perfum, her make up, her scent
almost obscene
and almost not yours
you wouldn't touch it
so she doesn't disperse
in drunken champagne bubbles
with cherries with tears with her

do not feed the elephant

do not feed the elephant
no entry
the privite dancefloor
non-smoking area
full of public ashtrayes
do not teese the tiger
do not tease policeman
and the shopwindow can not be stared at
for too long
the city watches you
with all it's signs
constantly one step before yours
is looking discretely into your purse
under sun glasses
the finger prints recognizes
the blinking red green eyes
the traffic lights
those stop signs
turn left go right
and time parking ticket
in a free parking zone
the city watches you
do not feed homeless people
do not shake hands too long
do not smile, laugh
the zebras are moaning
and the handicapped parking places
are always empty
the city watches you
smogg-eyed twisted

bla bla bla

one day she'll know
he was even right
back here back now
back one-future-back-than
all this time
she will find out
falling down
speedless and speechless
with no wind under the wings
having no fun with beeing this high
it will hurt though
while falling apart
i've turned the clock back
but no second got lost
the future i
is laughing so hard about her
future and past
and the cold raindrops
the salty ones she's caught

abracadabra

the whispers
invisible power of flying dragons
of lying sweets
of tattered besoms
unhappy spells
i'm leaving my kingdom
to learn how to fly
the faries and elves
abracadabra
i've burnt ...over the candle of the future my past
the spells i repeat
so you wouldn't leave
the castle has melted down in my very hand
don't make me come back
the world of beautiful girls
of stupid women
digital wishes
those perfect painted boys
the perfect cut branches
the perfect paper cuts
sticky liquid of cola goblet
on my white foggy dress
different reasons and so many answers
but what if none of them is truth
abracadabra
and i've rained out like clouds
the devils and gods
over my soul
the cards would play
the devils and shadows
the gods and ambrosia
you wouldn't believe anyway

''he didn't take the time to lie''

this world this small world
atlas is tossing
he's fooling around
the clouds are flocking upside down
the rain drops into the sky
the clouds blossom
on the bright shiny sky
atlas ist tossing
he's fooling around
king of pain
and i am the queen
with golden arrow amor is shoothing
you shot me
silent, noiselessly
so no one would ever see
the very first day
the biggest black cloud is dancing on my tounge
into my hands is raining out
the snowflakes and rainbow
under my eylids right into my eyes
you shot me down

butterflies and hurricanes

in the clock my face closed
time is laughing fleering nasty
but...who knows
butterflies?
in my stomache taste like afterlife
afterlife-ish sparkling bubbles
who would say what's wrong with me
once, for real
maybe i have learned to fly
maybe i'm just pretty high
who would know
blue-green sparkles
i sleep on the clouds
sliding of swinging up
to the very sky
once without you all alone
being loved.
from nirvana sliding down..
who would say
maybe if i learn to fly..
i'll taste heaven
now i'm here
naked skin naked eyes
painted look cut inside
just infront of
tired you, silly you
dummy lover spring of fools
i'd pretend tears aren't here
could pretend
my endlessness is just burning, stealing beauty
so who knows
if the rain would drop katharsis
de profundis
veni vidi
vanitatum et vanitas
what a fool i am
afterlife
after words
after- veryhappy- hour
my endlesness has burnt out
i'd dance you so much right now

9 days a week

in my books
painted flowers on my dress
some between other some
'tween the eighth
and ninth day
nine days has my week
i will run
no dove sees me
they just crush
on my forehead
on my hands
doves don't see me
will keep secrets
where i've been
where i sleep
nine days has my week
i could fade
make forget
look me over
look so closely
feel the scent
feel the pain
dream your dream
nighty night
nightmares coudled you to sleep
i'm not here where i used to
don't believe what you would see
you did love me..?
till it hurt ?
it will stop
it won't ache
nine days has a week
you don't fit
i'm not wearing this grey hair
this no smile
this black almost dress
doves don't see me
they won't tell where i sleep
doves can't see me
they won't tell